JESSE IHDE

A few weeks ago, my pastor, Pete Briscoe brought before us our primary, secondary and personal purposes for life.  You can imagine my excitement in hoping he was going to write my life plan up on his white board and finally end my agonizing.  Instead he said, your primary purpose is to be a child of God.  And if that is all you ever do, that is enough.  As I’m processing the truth of this, I am also hearing my therapist’s words as I walk out of his office the last time, “Don’t let the privilege of choice become a burden.”  Because you see, when I’m being honest, I’m not sure that my purpose is what I am so worried about.  Rather I want to feed this animal called longing; I want to feel fulfilled.  I have to remind myself it is okay to have longings but you cannot let those longings have you.  Life is not going to be suddenly and perpetually fulfilling when “it” happens.  Recognizing the magical moments when something connects with your soul, savoring that moment and determining to actively look for more of those moments….that is the joy, the beauty. It is so easy to lose perspective on fulfillment.  A moment of deep satisfaction tempts us to believe we could have this feeling all the time.  Bedtime alone is a masterful example when I feel both in love with the moment and also fully ready for it to be over.  My chance to really connect with the kids, for something lovely to happen is good….it is quiet, we are alone, everyone is tired and defenses are down.  There is also equal opportunity for total disaster…for crying and rejection of affection and a combative end at which time I say, “I’m closing the door now.  Good night.” So it is with all our lives, our relationships and our vocations.  The pastor who loves to teach but knows he must also manage a team, the teacher who loves educating children but knows she must also put together a lesson plan, the mother who loves staying home with her kids but knows she must also sacrifice her opportunities for connecting with other adults, the introverted writer who loves putting words around ideas but knows he must also meet with his agent, sell his book and shake hands with strangers at book signings. The hardship or trial which is part of having any good thing, is building you up, creating you, sanctifying you, saving you from the safe, boring little life which you know you don’t really want anyway.  Not if you had to choose.  The path of least resistance isn’t for you.  But life was not created to satisfy your creative desires or perfectly align with your personal purpose.  Quit thinking, “When am I finally going to be doing what God created me to do in this life?” and start thinking, “Today, I am going to look for those prism moments when the light perfectly catches the glass and think Aha! This is it!  And in the life I have today, not the life I’ve made up I’m going to have someday, I am going to live out my personal purpose.”