JESSE IHDE

This last season has been full of hard.  The dark kind of hard.  Loss of friends hard.  Marriage hard. Moving three times in four months hard.  Insecurity hard.  Finding purpose hard.  Questioning it all. Hard.

In this and other seasons of hard, I also have doubts.  And as I process through these doubts in my faith, I recognize I’m rarely doubting if the gospel (the reality of Jesus as the mediator and savior who came to reconcile God to man) is true, but if I am wanting to and willing to live as though it is true.

And not in the sell all your possessions and go take care of hungry kids in Africa kind of way, but in the “go and be reconciled” kind of way.  In the “for better, for worse” I said I would love you, not just stay with you, kind of way.

Is the greatest of these love?  Will I lay down religiosity once and for all?  Will I choose surrender over the pursuit of satisfaction? What is it really all about?  Is there a bottom line to this confusing, difficult, logistics filled life?  Am I to play the victim riding the waves of lifes wins and losses?

Anne Lamott says, “The opposite of faith is not doubt, it’s certainty,” and in this hard season I’m clinging to this.  I’m believing that my trepidation, my insecurities, my aloneness, my confusion and fear are not only part of, but critical to my journey forward.  It’s never been about getting it all right. Perfectionism is the enemy.

Meaningful, purposeful, intentional living.  Open hands.  Arms wide.  The depths and the heights. The greatest of these IS love.

anne lamott doubt faith uncertainty